I have no words….

http://www.persecutionblog.com/2008/05/muslims-gang-ra.html

This is so heartbreaking.  I don’t even have the words to express my sadness.  Whenever I read about such incidences I am filled with humility and thanksgiving for the opportunity to know Jesus.  I am floored by the many years I spent believing in a doctrine that promoted violence and contradicts peace.  I try not to feel guilty about it because I know guilt is not from God but my heart is hurting for these individuals that are being persecuted by Muslims.  And I know not all Muslims have that mentality.  I grew up in a Muslim home that would not condone such behavior and I had friends who wouldn’t either but it is still so prevalent in Islam to commit violence in the name of religion. 

Like the author of the blog said, we need to pray for this family and all other Christians who are being persecuted around the world but most of all we need to pray for the persecutors, that they would come to know the freedom and liberty that comes with knowing Christ.  As Jesus said, “forgive them Father for they know what they do.” 

I’m tagalicious today!

Heidi [who btw BROKE THE RULES!] tagged me so I hafta oblige her with this game.

[Secretly I am very excited because I've never been tagged before but shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh don't tell her!!]

This is what we do:

1. Write the title to your memoir using 6 words
2. Post it on your blog
3. Link to the person that tagged you
4. Tag five more blogs

I DARED TO CALL HIM FATHER

I have to admit this is not my title.  It’s the title of a book I read right before I gave my life to Christ.  I know she wouldn’t mind me borrowing it until I come up with something of my own because our stories are similar [although her challenges were much bigger living in Pakistan and having to deal with much heavier persecution.]

I tag:

1. Mandy
2. Maggie
3. Darla
4. Kim
5. HEIDI again [:-P]

#3

Am I staying grounded in God’s Word and praying without ceasing?

I have a hard time with reading the Bible consistently.  Assuming that-that’s the only way to stay grounded in God’s Word, I’m not sure I’m staying grounded.  I read a lot of Christian books and learn how to apply scripture through those books and probably learn a lot of scripture off heart too in that process but I think Bible Study is the only time in the week that I actually read out of the Bible consistently.  It’s really weird.  I read scriptures on biblegateway.com all the time but just haven’t found a routine for spending a consistent time with my Bible.  Jaan is so good with reading.  He reads every morning or night depending on his work schedule and what’s going on that day.  He reads the “Our Daily Bread” devotion and then reads the scripture that goes with it and then continues on with his reading separate from the ODB.  Such discipline, praise God!  I have no idea how to get there and as I have stated before, I wonder if that is holding me back from truly growing and fully understanding God’s Will for my life [generally and specifically]?

I do pray without ceasing.  I love to pray.  It’s one of my favorite things to do.  It wasn’t always this way.  When I first became a Christian I found it weird to have a conversation with God.  Muslims say a standard prayer five times a day.  At the end of that prayer there is a time to speak to God but there is a transcending relationship; it’s not very personal at all.  And when I did learn how to pray to the Father, I was private about it.  When someone would ask me to pray the response would be “Sure.  I’ll remember to do that when I pray…later.”  LOL  At one time my pastor-brother said “Ayla your brother needs prayer!” And I was like “Yup and he shall receive it when I pray tonight!” I was so goofy.

But now?  Now I love to pray.  I can’t pray enough.  I even say one-sentence prayers sometimes and don’t even realize I’m saying them.  WOW.  That may look/sound funny to some people. 

I have learned the difference between praying without ceasing and constantly asking God for the same thing.  It’s such a fine line too and difficult to distinguish between a lot of times.  Praying without ceasing [in my interpretation] means to continue praying and trusting God with your life, circumstances in spite of things not going the way we expected them to.  It doesn’t neccessarily mean to pray about the same thing over and over and over again.  Not because God won’t listen to you but because you can get frustrated if you don’t hear a “response” from God inspite of praying continually about the same thing.  Yes we are to pray without ceasing but also to pray keeping in mind that with faith we are handing over this petition to God and that in order for Him to work on it, we have to let it go and give it to Him completely.  There’s a poem I once read about a child asking God why He wouldn’t mend her broken toy.  And basically God’s response is you never gave it to me completely.  The child was holding onto the toy with her life but was asking God to mend it. 

So I continue to pray even if a previous prayer has not been answered or responded to yet.  I don’t wait for one prayer to be answered before I pray about another.  In my mind, that is praying without ceasing.  What does that scripture mean to you?

Speechless

I love my husband so much.  I have to preface this post by saying that. 

We’ve gone through some rough moments in our relationship.  Other than the regular drama that comes with relationships, we’ve endured the trials due to my being disowned by my family and the many nights I spent in fear, anxiety, frustration, tears and sadness were not easy on him. 

Still he has supported me throughout the process and I praise God so much for that.  God knew I needed someone who could help me be strong during this separation from my family.  And oh does Jaan provide that pillar for me!  Being there during emotional breakdowns.  Endlessly supplying tissue and his shoulder.  Repeatedly telling me that he is my family and always will be.  Constantly reaffirming that I am loved by many people [yes he names each and every one of them, bless him].

He is such a wonderful man.  A man who continues to seek God to be a husband approving to Him.  A man who makes an effort to understand who I am as a result of my family and cultural background even when some things make no sense to him [eg? Wishing me happy birthday at midnight of my birthday is absolutely essential otherwise the birthday wish does not count! Well okay it still counts but I grew up in a family where midnight was the time of celebration and singing happy birthday and giving presents so......it took a few years for that to come to pass but praise God, He is able! ;)]

I just felt the need to share my love and appreciation for my wonderful man.   He is my blessing.  He is my heart.  Thank you Jaan. 

For Mandy [and others with the same questions]

Mandy recently posed the question about helping those who are lost and hurting around the world.  How do we reach out from our little corner of the world?  How do we help those who are lost find their way to Jesus with such little access to them?

I had been praying about this for a while.  I have a sense of urgency to reach out to the hurting and lost in Pakistan but I believe God is still working on me to get me there.  I need more strength.  More emotional stability.  More separation.  I know I am His work in progress and that when He told me Isaiah 61:1-2 was my calling, it was with the intention that I would go beyond the four corners of my home, the paramaters of my community, the safety of this country. 

I read something in Joyce Meyer’s “How to Hear from God” that resonated with me.  I received it as a response from God regarding this yearning in our hearts to reach out to other states/countries but not having direction persay to do so.  It’s funny because the chapter is to do with hindrances to hearing from God and the paragraph preceding what I’m about to share was about wordly perspectives and how they can desensitize or de-empathize us to world tragedies and people suffering.   So even though it wasn’t related to the question, God spoke to me through it.  Praise God!

I wanted to share this because I was encouraged to know that God is doing a work in all of us right where we are; geographically and spiritually.  He will enlarge our territories when He knows we are strong enough to carry that burden and remember, His burden is always light so He won’t give us anything we don’t have the strength to handle.

I believe this is all part of Satan’s overall plan for the world.  He wants us to have a hard-heartened viewpoint, not really caring about people or their needs.  As Christians, we should pray for those who are hurting and vow to fight against the apathetic ways of the world’s attitudes.  Single-handedly we may not be able to solve all the problems in the world today, but we can care–and we can pray.

Jesus said, ‘The Spirit of the Lord is upon me to preach good news” (see Luke 4:18).  I believe that there are still more good things going on than bad if somebody would report them.  I am not saying that we should never turn on the news broadcast or read the newspaper, but I am saying that we should not dwell on the world’s reports or conform to its viewpoint.  We need to listen to what God says about current events in our lives and pray as He leads us to intercede for others who are affected by them.  Joyce Meyer

Thoughts? Comments?  You are welcome to respond

#2

Am I sharing stories of what Jesus means to me and has done for me with those I encounter?

I think this question ties in with the first one.  Who exactly are we encountering and do we manipulate that process [who we choose to encounter, who we choose to share our testimonies with, who we choose to share the good news with]?

I share God’s goodness with believers all the time.  Praise God this and praise God that.  I do it with some people at work knowing that they are not believers but I am cautious about it.  I will say “praise God” but I am conscious of presenting opinions based on the Christian perspective out of fear of being considered as judgemental or self-righteous.

I’ve had conversations with people who know about Him and tried Him but aren’t neccessary walking in obedience to Him and their lives don’t seem to have underwent an outward transformation [I believe God is continually working on us on the inside].  Still comfortable conversations.  Nothing new or alarming being brought up.  Nothing that pushes me out of my shell of fear.

Do you see a pattern here already?  Fear.  Fear.  Fear.  It is so the enemy as Darla said in her comment. 

I long to have an encountering experience with someone who hasn’t heard of Jesus before but is interested to know.  I know that is a scary longing and that whenever I say something like that and God honors it, I ask myself [and Him, forgive me Lord] why, why, why?

These are definitely tough questions.  Everytime I want to answer one, I begin to think about a million reasons [justifications] of why I don’t or haven’t but it all comes down to [for me at least] is being able to walk in the boldness and authority that Jesus did when He continued to speak of the Father as He was walking down the streets, carrying the cross and being spat on and beaten each time He spoke about God’s truth.  And I have a hard time receiving a mean look or an offensive word or the silent treatment?  Phew.  Thank you Jesus for grace and mercy.  I am so not deserving of it. 

[Effects of #1]

So wow.  I just left my Christian bubble for a quick second and was it scary or what?

I receive the “Encouragement for Today” devotional via email every morning.  Todays was about being a mother and the anxiety and fears that come along with it.  She talks about knowing God is in control when she can’t be. 

God immediately put my elder sister on my heart.  She’s a relatively new mother [2 year old son, 3 month daughter] and I know she has so many fears regarding them and is always stressed and anxious about not being a good enough mother.  I forwarded the devotion to her *gasp* I have no idea how she will respond or if she will respond at all [she hasn't to any of my previous emails since my revelation] but I took a step out in faith and did it.  My message to her was:

God really put you on my heart as I was reading this.  Being a fairly new mother it’s understandable that you may experience anxiety and fear when it comes to the children but I just wanted to share something that may encourage you.  God is truly able to release us from our natural fears and give us peace even when it’s hard to imagine experiencing it.  I pray that you would receive this with an open heart and know that I am sharing it in love.

Love you so much and always praying for you I hope you are feeling better and the eczema is starting to subside.

Oh Lord Jesus–take over–my heart is beating fast and I am scared but I know that You have not given me a spirit of fear so I bind that fear up in the name of Jesus and trust that You will take it from here.  Amen! 

#1

Am I insulating myself in a Christian bubble that eliminates me from encountering people who need Jesus?

I am having a hard time answering this question.  I think part of it is because from my perspective [which I admit is tiny and most likely insignificant compared to the rest of the world] we all need Jesus!  Even those who know Him, need Him.  Even those who have given their life to Him, need Him and don’t always seek Him in all things.  We all need Jesus.  Period.  No ifs and buts about it. 

Maybe the people who need Jesus in this context are people who don’t know Him?  People from other religions [including Christianity--phew--that is a post in itself but note, I said religions not faiths].  People who know of Him but haven’t come to a place of trusting Him?  People who tried Him once but it “didn’t work” and so they don’t want to try Him anymore? 

I’m not sure. 

I have been praying so much about this in terms of my family.  Oh how sweet it would be for them to taste and see that the Lord is good.  I want them to know Jesus so bad.  I have cried frequently at the thought of them leaving this world not knowing Him.  I have taken the burden of their salvation on and off me for the last two years.  I take it on, get extremely frustrated and depressed, and then God takes it off remding me each time that it is not my responsibility [nor do I have the power] to change their hearts but it is to be a witness and continue to allow His light to shine through me. 

In my emotional struggles regarding them disowning me I believe I have separated myself quite a bit.  I reach out to my mother and send the occasional email to my elder sister but that’s about it.  Does that mean I am in my own Christian bubble?  Maybe.  I admit I need to do a better job in reaching out and walking in love with my father and my younger sister but there is something holding me back and I really need to pray for direction regarding that.

What about you?  How does your spirit respond to the question?  What are the challenges in leaving our “Christian bubbles?”

Tough ?’s

My “Encouragement for Today” devotional for today focuses on our actions speaking volumes.  The entire devotion was full of wisdom and new insight on what it means to be a person of faith but what stood out to me were the questions the author asks us to reflect on . 

Am I insulating myself in a Christian bubble that eliminates me from encountering people who need Jesus?

Am I sharing stories of what Jesus means to me and has done for me with those I encounter?

Am I staying grounded in God’s word and praying without ceasing?

Am I the same person behind closed doors that I am around others?

Am I readily admitting my own faults and struggles to others?

Am I quick to forgive others, to not judge them and to try to see them through God’s eyes and not my own?

Do I have someone I am accountable to, and do I listen when they call me on the carpet?

What would my family and friends say about who I really am?

What would God say about who I really am? Who am I when no one else is looking?

Phew.  Some tough questions wouldn’t you say?  I think I want to focus on each question in individual posts.  You are welcome to comment in general to this post but I would encourage and appreciate comments responding to individual questions in their individual posts. 

Spider-like faith

On our way to work this morning, Jaan spotted a spider on our windshield.  When we were within city limits, the spider seem to be chillin.  He even took a few steps, encircling his territory on the glass.  As we headed towards the highway and the speed started to accelerate we noticed that the spiders legs started to bend and he seemed to be moving up and down to keep up with the speed.  At some point, he slid a little further away from the territory he had marked earlier.

Jaan said “wow babe, that little spider is holding on to the windshield for his life.”

Something struck me about that statement.

See like the spider we go through similar journeys throughout our lives.  There will be times in our lives where the wind is not blowing too hard.  Where we can walk within our comfort zone [home, family, people who show us love and respect] and get quite content in that space.  Then comes a time where the wind starts to blow a little harder.  Where the storm is approaching overhead.  Where we have to make a decision to either let go or hold on for our lives.  Where we have to decide that holding on means to hold on to God’s unchanging hand.  To hold on to God’s promises to lead us out of the storm.  To hold on to His Word that declares that He is our rock and fortress. 

I want to have faith like that spider who held on to the very last minute.  The total time spent on the highway was maybe ten minutes but he held on the whole time.  When we pulled into Jaan’s work parking lot, the spider relaxed his legs, started walking towards the end of the windshield and jumped off and scurried off into the grass. 

In the same way God helps us get through our storms as long as we hold on to Him.  And after the storm has passed over, we can take a deep breath and walk towards the end of that season, new and improved, and jump off into the next season God has planned for our lives.  In this situation [probably the only situation] the grass is greener on the other side!